The girl who knows me too well

Wherever you are, I hope somehow you’ll read this. And when you do, you’ll understand our story to me has never had an end. I still wake up at nights full of stars, reminiscing our moments, so short they were.

I’ll never be over you and the sooner you get it, the better my life will be. You and I mayhaps are not meant to end up together but God you were my definition of love. Has it changed, I never dare to think so over time.

Now that I am thinking, time between us has never triumphed, nor distance ’cause the thousands of miles over the years could not stop me from loving you.

So many a time I’ve been asked what love to me means, it’s you and forever will be. I don’t know where you stand, I don’t know how you feel but somehow deep inside, we get this fire no storm can ever kill.

So when in the middle of a thought you ever think of someone who in love with you has always been, I hope you think of me. ‘Cause since day one, you’ve always been everything to me.

I’ve had a life. Met people. And yet, you remain my definition. How can I ever get over it? ‘Cause if you wonder, I never wanna get over you. They say love happens sometimes and I think of you all over again. Everytime.

I’ve never been good at anything else but to let my pen draw lines on a paper. So here am I in the middle of the night thinking of you again. I know you and I can’t deny the fact that there’s something burning inside even though we’re too afraid to talk about it. Or maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe it’s my fantasy, my most beautiful illusion. I still want to believe I am right about it.

I remember we had to close the book before it turns into tragedy when the very first chapters told a story of us being irresolute. I’ve always had the feeling that I don’t deserve you. I know you’ll say that I am crazy.

You’re probably right. But here am I all naked telling you my side of the story. Something I’ve carried all alone over the years. A secret I could never tell ’cause it reminds me that I still have a long way to go.

See, you and I came from different backgrounds and when we met, the lone boy that I’ve always been has time and time again carried the burden of loving a girl too good for him. Over the years so many times I’ve felt this deep pain.

Always having the feeling that I don’t have what it takes to fit in your world. I’ve always been the boy who would struggle so hard to embrace a piece of happiness but all I’ve ever wanted is to be good enough for you, someday. So I carry this with me wherever I go.

Everytime they ask me the memory of my first kiss, even though there’s been some girls before you, my answer has always been “So short a moment but the deepest of my life, the best memory of my first real kiss, it’s her. The girl who survived the neg-hit.” One more fantasy I carry along over the years.

I know it probably doesn’t make any sense to you, but it’s my moment. It means everything to me. You see, the thing is, if I were to choose, I would embrace thousands of those short moments by your side than any eternity with another girl.

I didn’t tell you but I rushed to the airport the night when you were flying back to Paris ’cause I wanted so bad to see you after all those years but I couldn’t. I couldn’t face the moment. Saying goodbye after having just held you in my arms after that long.

I just couldn’t gather enough courage. Instead, I stared at every plane flying that night expecting a vibe from the one taking you faraway. One more time. I went home that night with the feeling of “this girl is too good for me”. I know this sounds too crazy but you know my entire life is made of crazy shits.

If you have an advice on how to heal this feeling, my condition, I am taking. Mayhaps I should tell the stars, my most loyal friends one more time about the girl I just can’t get over. Maybe there’s a way. Maybe there’s a song. Something that will help me feel better. Heal. And mean how I truly feel.

I love you beyond words. Beyond reason. I care less if this sounds too cliche. And this will probably last forever. In this life and I bet in all the others. After all, time and distance have never triumphed […]

I hope somehow I own a piece of land in your heart. I’ve never been able to deny my feelings for you. Have I, there’s always a part of me that tells the truth about what you mean to me.

I know this looks pretty much like a fantasy, a fairy tale. But it’s all I’ve got. And before I forget, you’re my 6AM coffee on a rainy day, no wonder why you’re so precious to me.

To a girl.

Paterne Freeman Shadowriter, Liberscribes

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